The Joy Of Breastfeeding #1

Breastfeeding-There's no where else I'd want to be...

This morning Z allowed me to do my make up so I decided to try and run few errands. Unfortunately, he loathes car rides and I was hoping today might be different. We got the first couple locations taken care of amidst his nearly constant protests.  I decided to venture the few miles and deal with the heart wrenching cries to go to Kohls. When I got there, I wrapped him in my Moby and started to walk around the store to try and lull him to sleep so I could shop normally which involves stopping and meandering. Didn't work, he just wanted to scream his little 5 week newborn scream, so we took it outside. I walked and talked to him and finally the bouncing, patting and shhhing worked, he fell asleep. I shopped for over an hour to spend my free $10 gift card and finally settled on a pair of gowns for Z to help make EC and diaper changes easier.

Then the car ride home he again showed his true lung strength. He belted out screams that sounded like he was in excruciating pain, which he wasn't. My heart aches to hear him scream like that, I just don't know what else to do. It feels like I'm making him "cry it out" but that is completely not my intentions. I talk to him, and at stops I reach back and let him hold my finger. I sing along to my blaring Christmas songs and absolutely nothing works...

Until I get home and get him out of the car seat and into my arms. Then his cries turn to whimpers and once I get him inside, lift my shirt, undo my bra and pop him on, all the world seems right. We both instantly relax and tune in to each other. As I look down at him, he gazes wide eyed at me and doesn't break the staring competition we seem to have started. My heart feels like it is truly melting.  His legs wrap around my side and warm me.  My mind is concentrating only on him, nothing else enters my head, not one non-mothering, loving thought.  As I stare at him and let myself feel the love, my eyes well up with tears.  Eventually he falls asleep at my breast and the last thing I want to do is remove him from me. So here he lays, using me as a pacifier, and I want nothing more in the world then to be here with him.  It is so perfect.  He is so perfect.  I am where I was meant to be.

Just a quick update!

Well, during most of my pregnancy, I had so much to write. My journal saw entries daily, but for the last 6 weeks, it's been a little different! :) I had my son, he's 3 weeks old today. An absolutely gorgeous baby boy I've named Zander. He was 7 lbs 5 ounces and 19 inches. So my birth didn't go at all like I had planned, but I don't regret anything. I'll post his birth story one of these days.

I am so grateful to have a healthy lil guy that loves to be held. The first week was amazing, I got out a few times, slept plenty, took him shopping for NB sized clothes and was feeling great. It wasn't until about day 13 that things started to change... He cries a lot more and is harder to comfort. My only fail proof remedy is to let him feed and when the Ped told me he was overeating causing gas resulting in his fussiness, I was devastated. When he starts the ear piercing wails, nursing is the only thing seems calm him. It's been a rough 3 days of not letting him eat so much.  I'd have to take him off before he fell asleep, then he just scream. Thank goodness for a great lactation consultant/Hypnobirthing instructor/doula whom I had an appointment with this morning. She told me to follow my instincts. YAY!!!! I can feed him as he needs and allow him to comfort nurse. He seems to need that in the middle of the night to get back to sleep and I am so grateful to have this tool back!

So he may get air/gas from comfort nursing, he would from the screaming as well right? I’ve concluded I should burp him more frequently (as I rarely do), and will try some massage techniques, and maybe the gas drops and see if they help. My LC also suggested a tea to help soothe his fussiness. It’s equal parts fennel seed, chamomile and catnip which I’ve read great reviews of and can’t wait to try! I’m rereading my Happiest Baby on the Block and while I do most of these instinctually (maybe not as vigorously though), it’s nice to know my instincts are right.

Breastfeeding wasn’t as easy as I’d hoped. I ended up having a hard time getting him to latch due to flat nipples, so have been using a nipple shield. It’s nice to not have cracked nipples, but difficult because I can’t just feed him anytime he needs it, like in the pediatrician’s waiting room. So today at my LC appointment, I got help to wean him from it, and we had our first successful feed at home without the shield ! Yippee!!

I don’t wear my Moby as much as I’d planned, but Z is still in arms for all but maybe 2 or 3 hours a day. He also usually falls asleep on my belly at night after feeding, though I will sometimes roll him off to sleep next to me. I’d like to use the Moby more, it’s just so long and I feel like I’m always changing diapers while attempting elimination communication. It’s just so cumbersome (the Moby, not EC).

Well, my milk has just let down, so I’m off to rouse this sleeping baby from my chest as it’s been nearly 3 hours. I sooooo look forward to his expressions while he eats and how when he pops off, he bobs his head around like a little turtle, looking for his breast again. It’s beyond amazing, priceless. I hope I can remember these moments forever.